I had the same experience with meetings and spaces. I find that online, I can talk about my struggles with loss of queer identity more freely than I can in person.

How are you feeling with this? Where were your expectations?

It was my life long dream that I never ever thought I’d achieve. And then I achieved it, and it for the first little while, I refused to believe I had achieved it, because I couldn’t truly see myself in the mirror. Strangers could, but it took me a while to believe them. And then it was good for a while, but I started to notice the distance in the community. Because I was cis passing, it became hard to talk openly about anything I was struggling with, because for many folks, I had achieved the single goal they wanted to achieve, and whatever I was struggling with was small compared to that privilege. And I started to feel that distance and loss of queerness.

And I realised just how strongly I value my community. I care about fitting in with the queer community far more than I care about fitting in with cishet society.

These days, I’m basically disconnected from offline queer communities, and I still feel that loss. I think I’m probably always going to feel it…