I literally asked my wife to marry me on the first date and she said yes. Getting right to the point is a woman after my own heart. Neither of us have ever dated before or, naturally, since.
We’ve been together for ten years.
We are also on the spectrum so that may have been a factor.
Why marriage? Can’t you just start living together first?
Asking someone to marry you on the first is just stupid. Many things could not work out and marriage is a big thing. Imagine spending time and money and then find out that you are not fit together. Then you live a miserable life or fill for a divorce.
We did–After we agreed to get married, because we were quite sure, but at the same time we didn’t want to impose such a stark change right away in case the change would exceed one’s ability to cope with change which could lead to panic, meltdowns, etc. Neither of us handle change very well. We didn’t actually get married immediately of course. She packed up a pod and moved in next. It was months before.
We also talked about having kids right away. Not having them right away! But we talked about it immediately, I think like five minutes in, because isn’t it important to know?
As a counterpoint: nothing in life is without risk. I’ve seen friends take it slow and end up divorced, too.
Why marriage? Can’t you just start living together first?
Or not marry at all?
Jesus
Yeah that was a major factor
I think that I rather get to know someone better though 😅
My wife and I started living together after 3 months, talking marriage at 6, and formally engaged at 9 months. We’ve been married over 6 years now.
I don’t have time for high school nonsense. I’m not going to burn 1+ years of my life on a “maybe”. The older I get, the better I learn what I want and don’t want.
We both had similar goals, or rather, goals that we could grow in together and not go separate ways. We had a shared sense of humor. My weaknesses were her strengths and vice versa. And we have activities we love doing together and things we love doing alone. It’s fucking great.
A major advantage of dating when you’re closer to 30 is that, for most people, you’re finally secure enough in your own identity to where you worry less about whether they like you and more about whether you like them.
If I had stopped to ask myself the latter question at 22, I would have saved myself the raging dumpster fire that was my first marriage because the answer was a resounding “No.” My first wife was a horrible person with very little to like. But back then I didn’t like “me” very much and I guess on some level I was afraid that no one else would either. Despite plenty of evidence to the contrary.
I think I got too secure in my own identity. Now I just feel like I’d be annoyed trying to incorporate most of the women I meet into my lifestyle (doesn’t mean they’re bad people, just not a good match for me). Every so often I meet someone I feel like would be a good fit but they’re usually already in a relationship or not interested. At this point I’m just doing my own thing and if a relationship happens, I’ll roll with it but until then I’m happy being single.
At this point I’m just doing my own thing and if a relationship happens, I’ll roll with it but until then I’m happy being single.
This is important though. If you’re happy with the way things are then that’s totally fine.
I never expected to get into a relationship so soon after getting divorced. I didn’t feel like I was ready. I just thought this lady at one of the other offices of the company I worked for was cute and decided to chat her up.
She caught me off guard when she asked me out. I had to be straight with her so I told her that I had recently gotten divorced and I wasn’t looking for anything serious but if she wanted to hang out, I would like that. She was actually ok with it. That was six years (married four), and two kids ago. She is an awesome lady and I am one very lucky guy.
I would have rather remained single for the rest of my life than have to live through a bad marriage again. It’s better to be alone than to wish you were alone. At that point in my life, I was happy being single. But I like where I am now too and I’m happy things worked out the way they did.
Dating in your 40s is like routinely checking the fridge for food but finding nothing. You know nothing is in there, but you keep looking for some reason.
As I near 50 my plan if I ever have to date again is just to wear a pin with my age and “single” on it and if anyone wants to know more they can ask.
A: “Hey, remember me?”
B: “Oh yeah, we used to date. You single now?”
A: “Yeah. You too?”
B: “Yeah. Wanna give it a shot?”
A: “Hmm… OK.”
The problem with modern dating: you have to get a smell of them to find out if you’re compatible or not. Any metric available online is only going to do way more to fuck up your chances than anything. If you want to find someone based on shared passions it’s more than easy enough to just find them through going out there and being yourself. Easier said than done with alienation being at an all time high…
My problem is all my passions are things I do at home by myself.
